in a nutshell

Whenever I get annoyed with someone -- workmates, bosses, teachers, students, friends, whoever -- I play a little mental game with myself; I call it "in a nutshell." It's pretty much what it sounds like, the "in a nutshell" explanation that encapsulates something in a short phrase or sentence. In my case, I use a short phrase or sentence to encapsulate someone's personality or qualities.

A simple example: I once had a boss who would tell me to do one thing and then, later, she'd ask me why the hell I'd done whatever it was she'd told me to. This happened on an almost daily basis. When I'd say, "I did it because you told me to," she would reply, "obviously, you misunderstood." So her "in a nutshell" was "Obviously, you misunderstood." That pretty much summed her stupid ass up. Oh, OBVIOUSLY it was my fault that despite my perfectly good ears, educated brain, and more than adequate qualifications for the job I was doing, I am the one who misunderstood her, rather than her forgetting what the hell she was talking about. I took to emailing her for instructions so that I could capture her shit in writing. She still claimed I misunderstood.

So ... the game is simple, but it helps me keep my mouth closed when someone really pisses me off -- in work situations especially, when one must often keep one's mouth shut when one is confronted by a stupid boss or coworker, lest one get fired for screaming "ARE YOU A FUCKING IDIOT?" at them. In short, the game amuses me and makes it possible to go on living. I used to keep a little notebook of in-a-nutshells at my old job. I found the notebook the other night and was cackling for hours, to the confusion of AB.

Anyway, I've recently added an entry for Mittens:
"I need to get 50.1 percent or more."
Pretty much sums up everything that's Mittens is about, doesn't it? He's not going to worry about what his supporters say or do; he's not going to worry about the facts or anything else. He could pretty much be saying his in-a-nutshell in response to any question, which is why it is so perfect. The guy has no moral center; there's no issue or past statement he won't completely kick to the curb if he thinks he'll get more votes for it.

For example, let's just plug it into some imaginary but quite plausible media questions:

Reporter: "Governor Romney, are you concerned about Iran's getting nuclear capability anytime soon?"
Mittens: "I need to get 50.1 percent or more."
Because what he'll do about defense or tensions in the Middle East are irrelevant to Mittens; he simply will do ANYTHING to get elected, and his statement pretty much proves it. If he'll go to bed with Trump -- a delusional reality-tv star and the symbol for everything that is wrong with real estate speculation and capitalism -- for a few bucks and some headlines, he'll go to bed with anyone for a few bucks and some headlines.

Reporter: What's on the agenda today, sir?
Mittens: "I need to get 50.1 percent or more."
Because as I type this, Mittens is whoring himself to Trump and his fellow rich freaks in Vegas. Need I say more?

Reporter: Governor, you've been known to change positions on several important issues: a woman's right to choose, gay marriage, government-run healthcare, even whether you're really a hunter. What are your true and heartfelt views on these issues?
Mittens: "I need to get 50.1 percent or more."
Again, it fits. The guy will say or do whatever he thinks he needs to in order to get elected. Has anyone ever wanted anything more? Like a kid who wants so badly to be popular in school that he'll buy other kids' lunches, do others' homework, or whatever. You know the type.

What Mittens doesn't understand is that when you completely hollow yourself out in order to be everyman for everyone, you end up losing everything. Look at McCain. The guy used to have some principles; he used to be a true maverick. He finally sniffed the chance - the tiniest chance! - that he might be president, and he sold out on everything and everybody he every believed in. The guy let his handlers put Palin on the ticket with him, for god's sake. How low can anyone go?

So Romney can claim all he wants about understanding everyday Americans, but one look at the people he's using to get votes -- Ted Nugent, Donald Trump, anyone on Faux Nooz -- tells you that this guy is about one thing: "I need to get 50.1 percent or more."

Heaven help us if he does.

Ready... Set... Snooze....

So we're stuck with Mittens vs Obama.

Can't wait.

Oscar special!

Have you seen The Artist? Has anyone you know seen it? I can't find anyone who's seen the damned thing.

What the hell is so great about a silent movie that looks like every silent movie from the pre-talkies age?

Overemphatic gesturing and soundless mouthing of words, all set to music and filmed in black-and-white? In 2012? I'm not all into 3D and crazy special effects, but REALLY? A silent black-and-white movie is the best movie of 2012?

I don't get it.

It's official: He's crazy, and he's right

Check this out.

"Of course" moments

When reading the news, I often have "of course" moments, where my suspicions or misgivings or fears are confirmed, the worst turns out to happen or to be true, and I just say, "of course." The latest moments:

1. pRick Santorum insults gays YET AGAIN by saying that only straight marriages benefit society and are "an intrinsic good." OF COURSE. I knew it had been too long since this asshole spewed his hate. This is, after all, the guy who compared gay marriage to incest. I was so happy when he lost his Senate seat and his little family cried and cried and I laughed and laughed.

2. Former Chimpy crony Ari Fleischer has been helping the Susan G Komen foundation out, and then OF COURSE, SGK cuts off funding to Planned Parenthood. So what looked like a charity to help women ends up bowing to reich-wingers and anti-choice assholes.

3. Unemployment is down YET AGAIN, but repugs keep saying the economy sucks and don't believe what your eyes are seeing! OF COURSE, if Newtie (Nudie?) were in charge, all these stats would be dead on and unimpeachable FACT!

Court okays Bush's telecom spying

So a federal appeals court has upheld immunity for the telecoms -- among them, AT&T and Verizon -- that helped the Bush administration spy on U.S. citizens without a warrant.

I guess it's still true what Nixon said: "When the President does it, that means it's not illegal."

Which, I guess, excuses Obama's administration too, right? After all, no one seems in any hurry to bring charges of murder for the civilians killed by our drone strikes in Pakistan; just like no one prosecuted Darth Cheney and Chimpy for the Iraqi civilians killed in that debacle.

I know I'll sleep better at night knowing that what Nixon (of all people) said is still true today.

It's a party! It's a lark!

Come on along, kids! It's not too
late to whore for more publicity!

Hey, it's "still not too late for folks to jump in" to the presidential race, according to Mooselini Failin'.

It's staggering to see the flippancy with which she regards the office of the presidency of the United States -- as though it's a club or a field trip.